As a mother of two, stepmother of five, and a previous stepmother of five children, I understand firsthand how challenging holidays can be in a blended family. Bringing together two different family cultures is no small feat, and it can be overwhelming to create meaningful holiday memories for everyone involved.
In my family law practice, I’ve come across many wonderful examples of how blended families not only survive but truly thrive during the holiday season by embracing cooperation, flexibility, and a little creativity.
Here are some tips inspired by the Thrive Program at Penn State to help you enjoy a joyful holiday season with your blended family.
- PLAN TOGETHER EARLY: Involve Co-Parents, Partners, and Children
Collaborate with your co-parent and your partner early to develop a holiday schedule that accommodates all family members as best as possible. Including your children and their step-siblings in some of these celebrations can help them build new traditions together. Planning ahead ensures that each family feels involved and provides a smoother experience for everyone.
- BE FLEXIBLE
Life is unpredictable, and with blended families, multiple holiday celebrations often need to be managed. Unforeseen circumstances can arise, so it’s wise to have a backup plan in case things go awry. Being open to adjustments helps everyone enjoy the holidays more peacefully and with less stress.
- RESPECT AND EMBRACE TRADITIONS
Each family has unique holiday traditions. When coordinating with your co-parent, ask about the customs they celebrate with their spouse or family. Discussing these openly can lead to opportunities for compromise, helping children understand and appreciate diversity within their family. Modeling respectful compromise fosters empathy and understanding for the children in your blended family.
- CREATE NEW TRADITIONS
While established traditions bring comfort, creating new ones can also be a wonderful bonding experience. The first holiday you spend without your children can be hard—I remember one Thanksgiving where I spent time at a hot springs resort, trying to distract myself. Over time, however, I created traditions that worked for our new blended family. They don’t have to be elaborate; for instance, one year, we skipped the traditional turkey dinner and had a smorgasbord of appetizers because the kids didn’t want multiple turkey dinners. On Christmas, we started a tradition of going to the movies. Be open to new traditions—they’ll emerge naturally as your family grows together.
- MANAGE EXPECTATIONS
The holiday season often stirs up a mix of emotions. Social media and ads can sometimes amplify this by depicting perfect families enjoying seamless celebrations. Remember, these images aren’t always reality. Support your children by helping them process their feelings, whether it’s joy, sadness, or frustration. Being available to talk can prevent small concerns from becoming bigger issues and helps create a calm holiday atmosphere.
- RESPECT BOUNDARIES
It’s essential to honor boundaries, both for yourself and for others. Allow family members space if they need it and avoid environments where someone may feel unwelcome. Respecting boundaries also includes maintaining the self-care practices that support your mental health. Taking time to recharge ensures you can give your best to your family.
- PRIORITIZE QUALITY TIME
Children are less likely to remember the specific dates they spent with each parent than the quality of time they had, and memories that were created. When planning holiday activities, think about creating simple, meaningful experiences like sledding, baking cookies, having a gingerbread house competition, or going to see holiday lights. Invite friends, extended family, or neighbors to join in if it feels right. These activities build lasting memories and help strengthen the bonds within your blended family.
LAST TIP: ASK FOR FEEDBACK
Check in with your co-parent and children after the holidays. Ask what they enjoyed or didn’t enjoy and gather ideas for future celebrations. This simple act of listening can make each family member feel valued and included, creating a foundation of trust and openness for years to come.
Using these strategies, you can create a holiday season filled with joy, cooperation, and meaningful connections for every member of your blended family.
Remember, there’s no one right way to celebrate—just find what works for you and your unique family!
If you have questions about navigating co-parenting during the holidays or are facing challenges with your former partner, a short mediation session with me might be just what you need to ensure a peaceful, joyful holiday season.
Reach out today to align your plans and celebrate with ease with many wonderful memories!
For more information, feel free to reach out to my team at (801)464-4004 or assistant@telferfamilylaw.com. Our office is located at 2150 South 1300 East #500, Salt Lake City, UT 84106.