Telfer Family Law & Mediation

Salt Lake City Divorce & Mediation

phone number 801-464-4004

Considering Divorce

How Much Does a Divorce Cost in Utah?

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Cost of Divorce in Utah

The cost of a divorce in Utah can vary greatly depending on the process chosen for the divorce. In Utah, you can file for divorce on your own.  However, the court forms can often create more problems in the future that become costly (emotionally and financially) to fix.  

Other than a “do-it-yourself “divorce, there are three primary ways to get a divorce: litigation/going to court, mediation, and collaborative divorce. Each of these processes has different costs associated with them.

Litigation

Litigation is the traditional process for getting a divorce. It is also the most expensive divorce process. In a litigated divorce, you and your spouse are unable to make important decisions and let a judge decide for you. The cost of a litigated divorce can vary greatly depending on the complexity of the case, but on average, it can be $30,000 or more.

The high cost of litigation is due to the time attorneys spend preparing for and attending court hearings. There may also be costs associated with hiring experts to testify on behalf of each party.

Mediation

Mediation is a process where a neutral third party helps the parties reach an agreement on the terms of the divorce. The cost of mediation in Utah is generally much less than litigation, with an average cost of $3,000 to $5,000.

The cost of mediation is lower because the parties are working together to come to an agreement, which often takes less time than a litigated divorce. Additionally, there are no court fees associated with mediation other than the fee to file a petition for divorce, and the parties can often split the cost of the mediator.

Collaborative Divorce

Collaborative divorce is a process where you and your attorneys work together to reach an agreement on the terms of the divorce. The cost of collaborative divorce in Utah is generally higher than mediation, with an average cost of $7,500 to $15,000.

The higher cost of collaborative divorce is to cover the involvement of attorneys, who work together to help you reach an agreement. There are also costs associated with hiring neutral experts to help in financial decisions, communication, and parenting issues.

Divorce in Utah

The cost of a divorce in Utah can vary greatly depending on the process chosen. When deciding on the process for your divorce, it is important to consider the costs associated with each option, as well as the specific needs and circumstances of your case. It is also important to consult with an experienced family law attorney who can help you understand the costs and benefits of each process and help you make an informed decision.

Schedule a Consultation with an Experienced Utah Divorce Attorney

For more information regarding divorce and divorce processes, contact Utah family law attorney Diana Telfer at (801) 464-4004 to schedule a consultation.

You’ve Decided To Leave Now What

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You survived the holidays. The kids are back in school.  The end-of-year crunch at work is over. Life should feel good, but it doesn’t. You know you aren’t happy in your relationship. You’ve grown apart from your spouse. You’ve tried marriage counseling, but things have not gotten better. You know the relationship died several years ago but you are scared. You don’t know what to do. You’ve witnessed friends and family members going through horrific expensive divorces and you do not want that for your family. You and your spouse have children together. If you get divorced, you want to be able to attend your children’s events with your spouse without there being animosity. You want to have a good working coparenting relationship post-divorce, but you just do not know how that can be accomplished.

Does this sound familiar? I know when I went through my first divorce, I was scared. I was not an attorney at the time and my husband was physically abusive. I had an 18-month-old and was 2 months pregnant. I was unsure of my future, and I did not know where to turn.

Now What I'm leaving

A close friend recommended an attorney in town. The attorney had represented my friend’s daughter. I scheduled an appointment and retained that attorney. However, that attorney did not really understand the issues. I still remember as if it was yesterday when my attorney called me after my estranged husband stormed into my attorney’s office and demanded to speak with her. My attorney immediately called me and told me “You need to get control of your husband.” Here I was a victim of domestic abuse, and the attorney was calling me to get control of my abusive husband. The trial for my divorce was scheduled 8 months later, one month after giving birth to our second child. The process was expensive even though my husband and I owned very little.  All we really had were our two children. I was not happy with the judge’s decision, but it was finally over. At no time did I feel that my attorney really understood my situation.

FINDING THE RIGHT ATTORNEY

Finding the right attorney is one of the most important decisions you will make in any divorce or family dispute. It can mean a highly contentious divorce or a collegial one. There are attorneys with business models that are based on creating or perpetuating conflict to increase attorney fees. There are many attorneys who never ask the client questions. They tell the client what should happen, and the attorney determines how the divorce will proceed. There are other attorneys who once the client retains them, the client never has access to them.

There is good news. It is possible, because I’ve experienced this with my clients’ numerous times, for divorcing and separating couples to remain amicable during the divorce/separation process and remain friends after divorce. It does not mean there is no conflict.  It just means those couples chose attorneys who are problem solvers and have the skills to help the clients navigate conflict appropriately. Attorneys who were curious about their clients, asked questions, listened to the answers, and helped advise their clients after hearing from the client. 

QUESTIONS TO ASK

Before searching for an attorney, it can be helpful for you to spend time answering the following questions:

  •  What do you hope to feel during the divorce process?
  • If you have children, what do you want for your children as you go through the divorce process? (This includes adult children.)
  • What do you hope your relationship with your spouse will be like at the conclusion of your divorce?
  • How do you hope you will feel about the divorce in 2 years?
  • What are you looking for in an attorney? 
  • How do you want to feel when talking to your attorney?
  • What values are important to you?  Do you want an attorney who shares your values?

Here are some things to think about or ask when meeting with an attorney:

  • What is the attorney’s typical approach to divorce?
  • How much access does the client have to the attorney after being retained?
  • How much does the attorney use their staff when responding to client communications?
  • How does the attorney typically work with the opposing counsel?
  •  How many of the attorney’s cases go to trial?
  • How many of the attorney’s cases settle in mediation?
  • Is the attorney explaining different options on how to approach your divorce including options that do not involve court?
  • Is the attorney asking you questions about yourself and your situation?
  • How interested is the attorney in your story?
  • Is the attorney understanding you?
  • Is the attorney listening to you or selling you a pitch?
  • Does the attorney’s style resonate with your values?
  • Does the attorney’s style prioritize minimizing the damage to your family?

When selecting an attorney, make sure the attorney aligns with your values.  Research the attorney’s reputation. Do you want an attorney who is a problem solver or a problem creator.

There is a way to divorce respectfully. I remember meeting with a client who began crying during her initial consultation with me. When I asked her why she was crying, she said something unexpected “I didn’t realize there is a way that I can divorce and remain friends with my spouse afterwards.” it is possible. You just need to find the right attorney.

For more information or to schedule a consult, you can contact me at (801)464-4004 or diana@telferfamilylaw.com.

Welcome to Divorce Reimagined

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Have you ever thought that divorce could be a gift? That the brokenness you may feel when realizing your relationship is over is the beginning stage of transformation?

Thirteen and a half years ago, I found myself facing the end of my second marriage. In reality, the marriage had died twelve and a half years earlier but I was unable to acknowledge that fact.

Unconsciously, my mantra was “Don’t be a two-time loser.” My first marriage ended after three years, when my husband put me in a headlock and threatened to break my neck while I was two months pregnant, holding our 14-month-old baby girl. Fast forward 14 years and I was faced again with the demise of another marriage. Blending my second husband’s five children with my two children had not gone well. Our parenting styles were different. Our family cultures did not mesh. I was bearing the burden of being the primary breadwinner for our blended household while my second husband’s income supported his first family. We separated five years into the marriage with what I thought was an intent to work on our relationship. My hope was that by the time our youngest child graduated, we could once again live together.

After seven years of separation, I finally woke up and realized that my husband had long since left the relationship. Despite my efforts to salvage the relationship, the conflict continued. Our lives were more separate than ever. Even when my 13-year-old daughter once screamed “Just get divorced already,” I ignored her pleas. My two daughters and step-children were stuck riding the emotional rollercoaster of this unhealthy relationship.

Needless to say it took a few more years to pull the trigger–to face reality. By this time, I had graduated from law school and was a guardian ad litem, an advocate for children of divorce. I realized I had deluded myself into believing by staying married I was benefitting my own children–teaching them not to give up, to work through difficult relationships, because family must stick together. A shocking disclosure from my husband opened my eyes to finally see the shell of our relationship. Yet, I still doubted. If this marriage failed, what did that say about me? What would people think? My religion emphasized the importance of family and staying married. But, here I was faced with a second divorce. I also knew what was ahead. The initial compassion from friends and neighbors would eventually turn to isolation. Invitations from my coupled up friends stopped because having a single woman around is uncomfortable and for some, threatening. This had been my past and I was not looking forward to this future.

But our past need not repeat itself if we heed the simple calls that uncannily appear. Joseph Campbell identified this as the “The Hero’s Journey” and the “Call to Adventure.” It is Luke Skywalker rejecting the call to travel to Alderaan until he returns home to find his uncle and aunt killed. Divorce is no different. We can heed the call to adventure by diving inward. To excavate and ultimately expunge the beliefs that we acquire along our life’s journeys that no longer serve us. To find the allies who can help us hold the sadness, guilt, blame, depression, and rage that burns within, no matter how painful.

My second marriage emotionally destroyed me. Yet, from this complete and utter emotional rubble, I was motivated to turn inwards so I could find who I was, what I believed, and where I wanted to go. I discovered that many of the beliefs that I held about myself and how I relate with others were no longer serving me. These beliefs and skills helped me survive my childhood but they were not serving well in adulthood. I clarified the values that are important to me and distinguished the values that were “imposed” on me. I discovered my self-worth. I learned to set boundaries and not take ownership of other people’s issues. (Okay, I still struggle with this one.) I learned the importance of self-acceptance. (Another one I struggle with.) I faced my anger, blame, victimhood, and guilt directly. I sat with the pain. In so doing, it transformed my perceptions about myself and how I interact with the world. Most importantly, I disengaged from relationships that were damaging. I realized the importance of surrounding myself with friends, family, and associates who support and accept me as I am.

I liken the divorce process to the life cycle of a butterfly. Initially, a pupa is born as a caterpillar. But, also within the caterpillar is the DNA of the butterfly. At some point, the caterpillar must transform. It builds its chrysalis around itself. The caterpillar turns to mush and the rebuilding process begins. A butterfly emerges but not without a struggle. It is initially crumpled. It must wait for its wings to harden. But in time, it spreads its wings and soars.

Divorce can be a gift. It is an opportunity for you to discover who you are, what you want, and where you want to go. You have everything you need within you, but you need not go it alone. Find professionals who can be allies in your journey. People who work with you to create a secure chrysalis for transformation from which you can emerge with hope, security, and confidence in your future. We are out there.

What Next? – Divorce Options

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In the fall of 2020, I found myself in the emergency room.  I thought I was having a heart attack.  Luckily that wasn’t the case but the doctors had no answers for me.  They did not know what was going on.  One mentioned a panic attack. Well, whatever it was, it woke me up.  For decades, I have pushed through the stress of my job and avoided all things relating to self-care. My nature is to stay with something I commit to regardless of how unhappy or stressed it makes me. My exhaustion each night gave me the rationale to put off healthy living.  However, spending a morning in the emergency room was my wake up call.  I realized that I could no longer avoid the inevitable. I needed to face reality and figure out what changes I needed to make for a more satisfying and healthy future.

Over the next few weeks, I realized that 15 years of representing children, parents, spouses, and grandparents in high conflict domestic relations disputes was taking its toll on my physical and emotional health.  A colleague of mine had taken the plunge into a non-litigation family law practice three years earlier.  She encouraged me to take a similar step—to move away from litigation and dedicate my practice to collaborative divorce, mediation, and negotiated settlements.

I debated whether I wanted to make such a change at this point in my career.  The legal practice of family law is a challenge but the unknown is even more worrisome.  People referred clients to me because I understand and am skilled at navigating high conflict divorces involving difficult personalities, complex high net worth marital estates, and nasty custody disputes.   I worried whether a 100% out of court family law practice is sustainable.  However, my colleague had done it so why couldn’t I? Weren’t most of my clients wanting to avoid court?

Does this sound familiar?  Do you feel any of these feelings as you make decisions about the future of your marriage or relationship? The unknown is scary, but knowledge is power.

If you are contemplating divorce or ending a long-term relationship, here are your options:

Do-It-Yourself Divorce:

A 2006 survey conducted by the Utah state courts found that 47% of divorce filings in Utah involve two unrepresented parties.  Many couples either cannot afford an attorney or are afraid that hiring an attorney will create more conflict.  The Utah court system offers an online service that allows individuals to fill out forms that once completed, will provide all the documents needed to finalize their divorce.

  • PROS: This process is inexpensive and relatively easy to complete.  If the issues in your divorce are not complex or your marital estate is relatively small, this may be a good option.
  • CONS: The forms are often incomplete and, in my opinion, poorly drafted. Too often parties include language that conflicts with the boilerplate language in the court forms. This makes the final documents confusing and difficult to enforce. Correcting such errors is more expensive than if an attorney had been retained to draft the original divorce documents.

Mediation:

A mediator is a specially trained individual who helps parties find a common ground and facilitates reaching a settlement.  Mediators cannot represent either party or give legal advice.   If a couple is not able to reach an agreement on their own, a judge will require the couple to attempt at least one round of mediation before scheduling trial.  It is important to find a mediator that is adequately trained and experienced but also fits the needs of your situation.  For instance, if you and your spouse want to maintain control over your resolution and find creative solutions, you will want a mediator who is trained in facilitative, transformative, or insight mediation.

  • PROS:  The majority of contested divorces or paternity actions resolve in mediation.   If you are represented by an attorney, your attorney also attends mediation.  Attorney-mediators or retired judges turned mediators will have the knowledge of the law and requisite training that is needed to successfully reach a resolution. Retired judges often use a more directive approach meaning they will be more likely to provide advice on what you should do or offer their opinions about whether your position will succeed in court.
  • CONS: Unfortunately, the mediation profession is not regulated, meaning there is no association overseeing practicing mediators. Any person can claim to be a mediator even if they have no training.   Non-lawyer mediators are not allowed under Utah law to draft divorce documents.

Collaborative Divorce:

Collaborative Divorce is a new approach for couples to resolve their disputes respectfully—without going to court—while also working with trained professionals.  The collaborative process involves a complete paradigm shift from the traditional approach to divorce or separation.  Rather than focusing on what each party’s rights and obligations are under the law, settlement is negotiated based on the interests and needs of not only the couple but also their children.  The essence of Collaborative Divorce is to offer spouses or partners the support, protection, and guidance of their own attorneys, who are committed to staying out of court.  Additionally, Collaborative Divorce allows couples the benefit of utilizing professionals including financial specialists, divorce coaches, child specialists, and other professionals, who all work together as a team in helping the couple reach their best potential outcome.  Couples and their team of professionals are committed to maintaining open communication, information sharing, complete transparency, and exploring solutions that satisfy the needs and priorities of the family.

  • PROS: The most significant benefit of the Collaborative Divorce process is that the couple maintains total control throughout the process and makes the final decisions with the assistance of specially trained attorneys and other professionals, who are working as a team toward a mutually created settlement. Costs are manageable and usually less expensive than litigation because the team model is set up for the financially efficient use of experts. The timetable on finalizing the divorce is solely up to the couple.
  • CONS: If the couple is not able to reach an agreement, the attorneys are required to withdraw, and each spouse or partner is required to retain new counsel.

Traditional Litigation:

Traditional litigation is the model that is most represented in the movies.  When parties are unable to reach agreements on their own then a judge is required to make the final decision.  In litigation, the court controls the process, which is based on an adversarial system. There are significant delays in getting hearings and a trial scheduled. If the marital estate is complicated, then separate experts will have to be hired to support the litigant’s position.  If parents cannot agree on custody and parent-time, a custody evaluation may be needed.  Hiring these experts is extremely expensive and often delays final resolution.

  • PROS: If one spouse or partner refuses to cooperate, the other spouse or partner can obtain a final resolution and is not held in limbo.
  • CONS: Litigation is expensive.  Because of the adversarial nature of the process, the family is often traumatized.  It is expensive. While parties hope to have their day in court, each party is usually upset with the final resolution and feels they have not been heard.

Recognizing that a marriage or long-term relationship is ending can be frightening.  Change is hard.  The unknown is unnerving.  However, staying in an unhealthy relationship takes its toll on the couple and their children. It can even be quite damaging.   It is critical to take the time to figure out what you truly need and where you need to go.  Know there are divorce options out there that will support your family transitioning from one home to two homes without the trauma of a nasty court battle.

Update from the 2nd District Court and In Person Hearings

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FROM THE SECOND DISTRICT COMMISSIONERS RE: RESUMPTION OF IN-PERSON HEARINGS

WHEN:

We are currently contemplating returning to in-person court on September 1, 2021. In-person court can resume if the courts are in Yellow as long as appropriate precautions are taken. If the virus count prompts a return to Red, in-person hearings will only take place if there is exigency on a case-by-case basis.

HOW:

Until the court is in Green, everyone coming to the courthouse will need to wear a mask, even if vaccinated. Court patrons will be responsible for maintaining appropriate social distancing in the hallways. Masks must be worn at all times except when directly addressing the court.

Other than witnesses for evidentiary hearings, each party will be limited to TWO observers/support persons. When seated in the gallery, each group will be responsible for seating themselves at least 6 feet apart. At the bailiff’s discretion, patrons may be admitted to the courtroom one hearing at a time.

At the conclusion of each hearing, counsel, the parties, and observers will need to wipe down any surfaces they touched with sanitizing wipes. Sanitizing wipes will be provided for this purpose. Patrons are requested to leave the courthouse as soon as their hearing is completed.

PROTECTIVE ORDERS:

Protective order litigants may only bring ONE observer/support person. Additional security and volunteers will hopefully be available to assist in maintaining order and distancing during large protective order calendars. Because of the limited space available in the courtrooms, not all parties will be allowed in the courtroom at the same time. Efforts will be made to serve new orders electronically so that parties are not waiting for copies of orders.

CAVEATS:

  1. At the discretion of the commissioner conducting the hearing, the courtroom may be closed to everyone except those essential to conducting the hearing.
  2. The transition process will be fluid, and there may be unexpected difficulties. Please be patient and understand that these procedures may require adjustment as we go forward.
  3. Each commissioner may, at his or her discretion, continue to conduct certain types of hearings remotely even after COVID restrictions are no longer in place. Notice of this will be provided at the time the hearing is scheduled.
  4. If you have any questions about whether to appear in person, please contact the assigned commissioner’s team via the commissioner’s team email address.

Seven Frequently Asked Questions About Divorce in Utah

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Many of the clients who schedule initial consultations have not made the decision to divorce yet.  Often, the client or the client’s spouse has brought up the topic of divorce and my client simply wants to know what his or her options are in the event the couple decides to divorce. Here are answers to the most frequently asked questions

1. How much will my divorce cost me?

This question is a difficult one to answer because it depends upon whether the spouses are in agreement on the issues relating to the children, financial support, and division of the assets and property acquired by the spouses.  If the spouses have worked out the terms of their divorce and only need an attorney to draft up the documents, the cost can be as low as $1,500 to $3,000 including the court fees to file for divorce.  If it is a contested divorce, meaning the spouses have significant disagreements on the issues of custody, parent-time, child support, alimony, and property division, then it can cost significantly more.  Anywhere from $10,000 to $50,000 or more.

The cost of the divorce really depends on how much the spouses agree upon, the complexity of the marital estate, and whether the spouses retain attorneys who are committed to resolving their clients’ disputes outside of the court system. A spouse contemplating divorce often thinks she needs a bulldog attorney to fight for what she is entitled to but bulldog attorneys often fight for the sake of fighting and that only means increased legal fees.   Finding an attorney who is committed to helping you work through your disputes collaboratively and amicably (e.g., collaborative divorce, mediation, or negotiated settlement) will not only save the spouses significant money in legal fees but also minimize the trauma on the family.

2. What are the legal grounds of divorce?

Utah is a no-fault state, meaning that spouses can get divorced on the grounds of irreconcilable differences.  This is the most common legal ground for divorce since you are not required to prove anything.  Irreconcilable differences mean that the marriage relationship has broken down, the spouses have tried to work through their issues, have been unable to successfully repair the damage, and no longer wish to be married.  Other legal grounds for divorce include adultery, willful desertion for more than a year, willful neglect, habitual drunkenness, cruel to the extent of causing bodily injury or great mental distress, or when the spouses have lived separately under a decree of separate maintenance for three consecutive years without cohabitation.  If a petition for divorce is filed on legal grounds other than irreconcilable differences, evidence must be provided to the court proving the grounds of divorce.  For this reason, almost all divorces are sought based on irreconcilable differences, because nothing needs to be proven.

3. Is there an advantage to file for divorce first?

The simple answer is no, there is no advantage to the spouse filing for divorce first. The spouse who files for divorce is called the petitioner.  The spouse who is served papers of divorce is called the respondent.  Being the petitioner, or the spouse who files for divorce first, simply means that if the spouses require a judge to make a decision at trial then the petitioner gets to present his or her case first. The petitioner is in the position to present her position and “narrative” of the divorce first.    However, the respondent gets to present his or her case afterward and so will be the last position and “narrative” of the divorce that the judge hears.   The majority of divorces resolve without a trial so there really is no advantage to being the first spouse to file.

4. If my spouse and I have things worked out already, do I have to hire an attorney?

The Utah courts provide an online option that allows divorcing spouses to prepare their own legal paperwork to divorce.  However, the language in the court forms is boilerplate and often spouses do not know how or where to insert the terms of their divorce settlement.  If spouses attempt to be creative in their resolution, it more often than not creates conflicting or ambiguous provisions within the final decree of divorce.  These conflicting provisions create future conflict and varying interpretations between the divorced spouses. This often results in significantly more legal fees to hire an attorney to correct the errors (e.g. tens of thousands of dollars) than if the parties had retained an attorney to draft the initial settlement agreement and final divorce documents.

5. How does the divorce process start?

A divorce proceeding begins with one party filing a petition for divorce in the Utah court system.  The other spouse must then be personally served a copy of the petition for divorce by a constable or process server or accept service of the petition for divorce to avoid having to be personally served the divorce papers.

6. How long does the divorce process take in Utah?

The answer depends upon whether the divorcing couple has settled on the terms of their divorce relative to custody, parent-time, child support, alimony, and the division of the couple’s assets and debts.  There is a minimum 30 day waiting period in Utah meaning a Utah judge cannot sign a decree of divorce within 30 days of a petition for divorce being filed.  One of the spouses can request the court waive the 30 day waiting period for extraordinary circumstances.

If the couple has minor children under the age of 18, a judge cannot sign a decree of divorce until each spouse attends the mandatory educational course and the mandatory orientation course for divorcing parents. The courses can be taken online or in person.  More information can be found at https://www.utcourts.gov/en/self-help/case-categories/family/dived.html.

7. What if my spouse wants a divorce but I don’t? Can I stop the divorce?

So long as one spouse wants a divorce, the other spouse cannot stop the divorce from happening.

Understanding the options you have in divorce is important. Finding the right attorney will also significantly impact how the divorce will proceed.